dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
