How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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