i barfeds in our rink
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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