I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
