Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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