i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
