So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
