Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
