Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
