yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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