Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
