glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
