I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
