Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
