Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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