This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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