Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
