but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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