"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize