wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
