went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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