dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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