Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
