my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
