i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
