I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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