she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I love you.
Bad choice
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
