epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
3pm strippers are depressing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
