It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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