You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
