i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
