So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
