me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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