i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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