oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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