Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
