xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
