I hate your face
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
