sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
