No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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