I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
