Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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