For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
