Christians are straight up FREAKS
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
