i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
