I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
