I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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