Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
