Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
