is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
