would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
