i think i have herpe
just one?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
