Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
