hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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