Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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