just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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