In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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