and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
