I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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