Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
