she woke up with a sticky ear
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
