Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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