I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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