Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
