matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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