I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
