This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
