apparently the secret to your success is patron
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
