Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
