If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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