My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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