I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
