you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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