put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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