i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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